COMPUTER ONE LINERS

 Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
 The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
 Did anyone see my lost carrier?
 Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
 Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
 Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I.
 Double your drive space - delete Windows!
 Oops.  My brain just hit a bad sector.
 C program run.  C program crash.  C programmer quit.
 Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
 My computer isn't that nervous...it's just a bit ANSI.
 Honey, I Formatted the Kid!
 Spelling checkers at maximum!  Fire!
 Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
 Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
 Never violate the Prime Directory!  C:\
 Multitasking:  Screwing up several things at once...
 Maniac:  An early computer built by nuts...
 Stack Error:  Lost on a cluttered desk...
 Stack Overflow:  Too many pancakes...
 Capt'n!  The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
 C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.
 ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
 How do I set my laser printer on stun?
 'Calm down -- it's only ones and zeros.'
 '.... now touch these wires to your tongue!'
 According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
 It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
 RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!
 Computers are only human.
 This time it will surely run.
 I just found the last bug.
 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to
     chance.    -Robert R. Coveyou   Oak Ridge National Laboratory
 It's redundant!  It's redundant!     -R. E. Dundant
 Bug?  That's not a bug, that's a feature.       -T. John Wendel
 The programmer's nat'l anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH' - Weinberg, p. 152
 If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must
 be the process of putting them in.  -Dykstra
 "#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))  - Shakespeare."
 "Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE"
 Logic:  The art of being wrong with confidence...
 To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
 If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
 Maintenance-free:  When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
 Microwave:  Signal from a friendly micro...
 Nostalgia:  The good old days multiplied by a bad memory...
 Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
 AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
 CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
 This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
 Todays assembler command :  EXOP   Execute Operator
 Justify my text?  I'm sorry but it has no excuse.
 Programming is an art form that fights back.
 Backups?  We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx  NO CARRIER
 My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
 Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
 To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
 Good programming is 99% sweat and 1% coffee.